Quartet

Well, after an incredibly busy week, I finally get the time to do the reviews I meant to do on Mondat... and anyone reading this is probably going to be sorry...

1. "Hitch". I skipped the recent release "The Wedding Date", advertised as "The first great date movie of the year" (In February, is this such a great achievement?), but decided to go for this one, in spite of its similar advertising. I suspect I probably made the righ choice between the two, but still, this is not exactly the Will Smith of "Ali" or "Six Degrees of Separation"... or, for that matter, even "Men In Black".

Smith plays Alex Hitchens, the legendary "Date Doctor" of New York,,, anyone with relationship problems can come to Hitch, and for a fee he will tell them how to get the person of their dreams (though he makes it clear he only accepts clients who have a sincere interest in a real relationship, and will not deal in anything sleazy). There happens to be a local gosspi columnist who's been damaged by enough relationships that she's out to expose and humiliate the Doctor... whose real identity is unknown to all but his clients. So wouldn't you guess that she begins a genuine relationship with Hitch, who she doesn't realize AT FIRST is her quarry... and of course, you can figure the rest.

Which is the main problem. Well, one of them. Smith is smooth, stylish and amusing in the lead... the man hasn't forgotten how to get laughs a few years after his last comedy. But the romantic comedy is probably the most formula-bound kind of film in existence (other than a James Bond movie), and if you've seen one... well, if you haven't quite seen them all, you've seen MOST of them, including "Hitch".

Most of this film consists of bad sitcom-level jokes, unconvincing pratfalls, and plot twists you can see coming a mile off. Casting Kevin James of the CBS show "The King Of Queens" as Smith's chief client doesn't exactly help you forget or ignore the film's sitcom elements, and Eva Mendes in the role of Smith's love interest/nemesis doesn't help you forget that she used to be a model and still gives her movie roles all the intensity and believability of a stroll down the catwalk.

"Hitch" is a harmless enough piece of fluff, I suppose. But there are harmless pieces of fluff that are also very entertaining movies, and then there are movies like "Hitch". There may not be many good comedies out right now, but that's no reason to rush out and see this one. You could do better.

2. "The Sea Inside". Now, HERE's a contrast... I saw this one later the same day I saw "Hitch". Talk about different worlds...

Nominated for a Foreign Language Film Oscar this year, this one may not sound promising at first: it's the semi-true story of poet Ramon Sampedro (played by Javier Bardem), who, many years before this film begins, was injured in a diving accident and has been a paraplegic ever since. He rarely ventures out of his room, much less his house, and has been fighting a battle with the government to allow him to finally legally end his life. Hey, what do you say we bring grandma and the kids to this one?

What it turns out to be is a movie of remarkable emotional power that never descends into the kind of soap opera bathos that it likely would be if it had been made in Hollywood. Part of that is due to Bardem's incredible performance as Sampedro... the man is simply one of the best actors on the planet, and would probably be a much bigger name if he were an American. He has to do almost all of his acting in this film with his face... no gestures, no body language... and it's an amazing, strong performance. The rest of the cast is up to his standards, which is really saying something.

The fact that about 85 percent of the film's two-hour running time takes place in Sampedro's small room shouldn't put anyone off. This film takes you emotionally to so many different places you'll forget about the fact that you're not going anywhere physically. The subject of euthenasia is certainly by no means one of those safe, tame, non-controversial topics on which to base a film. There are those who will object to the moral position the film takes, but theren's never any question that this is not a movie advocating it for every person in Sampedro's situation... just the story of one man who decided that was what he wanted. What has given some critics a problem about this movie is that Sampedro is clearly not a depressive... he is still possessed of an incredible life force, a tremendous sense of humor, and a love for his friends and family, so some have written that they can't believe he wants to end it all just because he isn't crying and despairing all the time. Those folks are missing some major points the movie makes, and are actually revealing themselves to be just like the government forces that are trying to stop Sampedro's quest. After all, who can say what makes life worth living for any one individual?

I think I can say with some assurance, though, what makes certain FILMS worth SEEING for MOST individuals. And there are very few who won't get a lot out of seeing "The Sea Inside". I don't know whether it will win the Oscar, but it OUGHT to. And if you're interested in quality movies, you ought to see it.

3. "Are We There Yet?". And here's one you'll be able to live quite well without every seeing. Especially if you're a fan of star/producer Ice Cube. It's hard to believe that the Ice Cube who made such downright incendiary rap records some years back and starred in such movies as "Boyz N The Hood" is the same guy who plays the lead in this forgettable "family" comedy. He's a father now himself, with children of his own, and I certainly admire his wanting to make a movie they can see, but I don't admire his making THIS particular one.


Cube (not being on a first name basis, I can't really call him "Ice") plays a guy who hates kids (as he puts it "they're just like cockroaches, except you can't squash 'em"). Then one day he falls madly in love with a woman who turns out to be the single mother of TWO children. For her sake, he tries to pretend to make nice with them, but they're wrongly convinced their father is going to reunite with mom eventually, and will stop at nothing to sabotage any new relationship. But when dad bails out from driving the kids to meet mom in a nearby city where she's on a business trip, Cube will REALLY regret volunteering to do the job himself.

Remember "Home Alone"? Remember all those "wacky" tricks Macauley Culkin played on the robbers? Did they seem funny to you? Well, maybe if you hadn't seen the Three Stooges do all of them years ago. If you haven't, you've certainly seen all the "Home Alone" imitators since then. "Are We There Yet?" is yet another of them. 80 or so minutes of a couple of kids delighting in causing all manner of excruciating pain to an increasingly frustrated adult, followed by ten minutes of sentiment. Sounds like something Laurence Oliver would have starred in, doesn't it?

Cube can be an actor of real force and strength, and he certainly has the touch with light comedy, too, as anyone who's seen the "Barbershop" films knows. But how much can anyone do with a role, or a movie, in which he isn't so much a character as a punching bag who's only there for the purpose of suffering abuse at the hands of the kids? he falls down, he yells... that's pretty much the role. it's really surprising that he produced the film... you know he has more in him than "Are We There Yet?". I mean, at least Macauley Culkin seemed like an actual kid. These two monsters are kids clearly trying to ACT, and it's truly frightening to see. Hmm... maybe if there's an other "Omen" movie, they could play the next spawns of Satan. That movie would probably be more interesting than "Are We there Yet?".

4. "Bride and Prejudice". Or, Jane Austen goes to India. Which is not really as strange as it might sound. After all, if "Emma" could become "Clueless", why not?

In this rather drastic revision of the Austen original, it's an Indian woman who's the heroine. One of several daughters, she's in no hurry to be the first of them to marry, and is certainly not eager to follow her parents' ideas of the best mate if she DOES. When a very off-putting (but wealthy) Indian emigre now living in London wants her hand, her parents are thrilled, but she's not. She also isn't thrilled with the idea of a relationship with that guy's best friend, Mr. Darcy, a Britisher visting India with his pal. But fate seems to have its own plans.

Most of this film is pure Bollywood, complete with absurd, crowd-filled song & dance numbers at the most unlikely time. And it's quite entertaining to watch, the more unlikely it is. There's just a pure, unstoppable giddy sense of fun that's hard to resist. It's almost enough to make you ignore Martin Henderson's thoroughly wooden and charmless performance as Darcy, especially since the rest of the cast is an utter delight. The action shifts to London late in the film, and a lot of the joy in the movie goes out of it at that point.

But the movie is still such eye-dazzling entertainment for much of its running time that I can't find it in me to slam it for the relatively small portions of the film that don't quite live up to its best moments. This is a movie that I went to not really expecting much from, particularly considering that the director is Gurinder Chadha, who made the "rousing, feel-good" sports film "Bend It Like Beckham". But it won me over in spite of myself. It didn't make me think that Martin Henderson will before too long not be "Martin Who?" just like Matt Caulfield of "Grease II" became "Matt Who?" (don't remember Matt Caulfield? exactly my point), but I didn't really care. And if pure, unrealistic sillyness is something that you don't find it completely impossible to be entertained by, it's quite likely to win you over as well.