"I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again"
Joe's Corner
Yes, I said that this was going to be first and foremost a forum for movie reviews. But as long-time readers of mine know, I also have a nearly limitless fascination with ture-life funny stuff: weird news, dumb criminals, questionable grammar, and typos, typos, typos. And my old Dort.dis E-mail subscription list was full of things like that too, so from time to time you'll find it here... like right now. Following are a few short excerpts from an incredibly silly (that's a good thing) book called "It Must Be True", compiled by Denis Parsons. A British import, it contains actual newspaper typos, strange phrasings, and the like, such as these:
1. From a church bulletin: Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th.
2. From a cook book: When this is done, sit on a hot stove and stire frequently.
3. From the Beverly Hills Shopping News: Coo 45 minutes and cover with a layer of sliced tomatoes. Season lightly with salt and pepper and coo until meat is tender.
4. From a Sunday paper: The thing to remember when preparing a fork supper is to select only food which can be eaten comfortably on a plate with a fork. In the winter, hot boullion or clear soup is very popular and can well be included.
5. From the Yorkshire Gazette: At next Wednesday's children's party it is expected that in two hours 300 children will consume 1,800 sandwiches and 900 fancy cakes, gallons of milk and tea, pounds of butter and a fishfryer, a plumber, a schoolmaster and a railway inspector.
6. From the Boston Globe: Wash beets very clean, then boil. When done, swim out into a pan of cold water and slip the skins off with the fingers.
7. From the Houston Chronicle: Mrs. Annie Besant, 80, was confined to bed today at the home of friends in Wimbledon. A severe child forced her to cancel all engagements.
8. From the Stockport Advertiser: In a recent report of a competition held at one of Pontin's Holiday Camps it was inadvertently stated that it was for "elephant" grandmothers instead of "elegant" grandmothers. We apologize to Mrs. Helen Payne, who gained the third place, for any embarrassment this may have caused.
9. From a Dublin paper: Following on yesterday's defeat of the Government in the Dail, a meeting of the cabinet was hell this morning.
10. From the London Times: World peace: now as never before, it depends for its preservation upon them asses.
11. From the Philadelphia Record: Wrap poison bottles in sandpaper and fasten with scotch tape or a rubber band. If there are smal children in the house, lock them in a small metal box.
12. From the London Times: In the handicrafts exhibition at Wordsley Community Centre, the contribution of the Misses Smith was "Smocking and rugs" and not "Smoking Drugs" as stated in last weeks' report.
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As you can see, this is a wonderfully silly book and this is only a very small sample of its silly contents. Check it out if you get the chance. Don't worry, it's back to movies next time: a review of Zhang Yimou's follow-up to "Hero", titled "House Of Flying Daggers", is coming on Friday. And if you were wondering: today's title is that of a delightful British mock-news series of the 1960's. As far as I'm concerned, no nation on Earth has a sense of humor like the British...
Yes, I said that this was going to be first and foremost a forum for movie reviews. But as long-time readers of mine know, I also have a nearly limitless fascination with ture-life funny stuff: weird news, dumb criminals, questionable grammar, and typos, typos, typos. And my old Dort.dis E-mail subscription list was full of things like that too, so from time to time you'll find it here... like right now. Following are a few short excerpts from an incredibly silly (that's a good thing) book called "It Must Be True", compiled by Denis Parsons. A British import, it contains actual newspaper typos, strange phrasings, and the like, such as these:
1. From a church bulletin: Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th.
2. From a cook book: When this is done, sit on a hot stove and stire frequently.
3. From the Beverly Hills Shopping News: Coo 45 minutes and cover with a layer of sliced tomatoes. Season lightly with salt and pepper and coo until meat is tender.
4. From a Sunday paper: The thing to remember when preparing a fork supper is to select only food which can be eaten comfortably on a plate with a fork. In the winter, hot boullion or clear soup is very popular and can well be included.
5. From the Yorkshire Gazette: At next Wednesday's children's party it is expected that in two hours 300 children will consume 1,800 sandwiches and 900 fancy cakes, gallons of milk and tea, pounds of butter and a fishfryer, a plumber, a schoolmaster and a railway inspector.
6. From the Boston Globe: Wash beets very clean, then boil. When done, swim out into a pan of cold water and slip the skins off with the fingers.
7. From the Houston Chronicle: Mrs. Annie Besant, 80, was confined to bed today at the home of friends in Wimbledon. A severe child forced her to cancel all engagements.
8. From the Stockport Advertiser: In a recent report of a competition held at one of Pontin's Holiday Camps it was inadvertently stated that it was for "elephant" grandmothers instead of "elegant" grandmothers. We apologize to Mrs. Helen Payne, who gained the third place, for any embarrassment this may have caused.
9. From a Dublin paper: Following on yesterday's defeat of the Government in the Dail, a meeting of the cabinet was hell this morning.
10. From the London Times: World peace: now as never before, it depends for its preservation upon them asses.
11. From the Philadelphia Record: Wrap poison bottles in sandpaper and fasten with scotch tape or a rubber band. If there are smal children in the house, lock them in a small metal box.
12. From the London Times: In the handicrafts exhibition at Wordsley Community Centre, the contribution of the Misses Smith was "Smocking and rugs" and not "Smoking Drugs" as stated in last weeks' report.
***************************************************
As you can see, this is a wonderfully silly book and this is only a very small sample of its silly contents. Check it out if you get the chance. Don't worry, it's back to movies next time: a review of Zhang Yimou's follow-up to "Hero", titled "House Of Flying Daggers", is coming on Friday. And if you were wondering: today's title is that of a delightful British mock-news series of the 1960's. As far as I'm concerned, no nation on Earth has a sense of humor like the British...
posted by Joe Bunce at
4:25 PM
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